It has been a hard time lately for me. I think it happens to everyone from time to time. Failure is never a good thing, but I know I am a strong person and I’m resilient. Sometimes I just need time to wallow in self-pity to help me see what my next moves will be. Though the next step is still evading me somewhat, but I will get there.
I had thought my membership site the Fine Art Way was going to be fantastic for me, I only need to find around 50 people to do it. That would mean I could teach them, do something I love, and not have to worry about money. Only 5 people signed up for. So not great. It was really the disinterest, perhaps the final straw, that has done me in.
Next moves and working what’s next
Getting a real job doing something I don’t like doing is something I have worked very hard against for a few years now. I did it a lot when I was younger.
You could say I entered the workforce when I was ten years old. My father didn’t believe in children being allowed to be children and we were forced to pick oranges and grapefruit every weekend and during school holidays. We lived on an orchard. The work was hard and dirty. I hated it. We would get all these scratches on our arms from the trees that screamed we were fruit pickers. Around where I was, and I suspect many places, the scum of the town.
In winter you couldn’t do anything until the dew on the trees was dried off, so it was late mornings, waiting. In summer we were up with the birds to get out there before the sun was too high and it was too hot to work. The rain was the best, it meant a day off, it was the only time it happened really, or from what I can remember.
We never got paid for the work we did, my father always said it was for board.
When I grow up
As I was looking for the fruit on the trees I can remember thinking that I never wanted to do work like that ever again. I wanted my grown up life to be so different. In some ways it was, I never picked fruit again, but I went from one job to another, never really enjoying what I did.
Growing up was a nightmare, and I thought as an adult, things would be better. In some ways, they have been, while in others not so. My personal life and relationship have been good. I’ve been married to my husband for over 28 years, we have two daughters, that is good, but I think you need more.
I am a creative person. I worked that out many years ago and if I am not being creative then I am not happy. It is something I can do and I’m pretty good at it, but then there is also the professional side of things and trying to make money from it so you can keep doing it.
Trying to be financially success
My whole life I have wanted to work in an area I’m good at. It wouldn’t seem like an impossible task. I was never looking to make millions, but some to help out around here. Just enough to help pay off the mortgage. However, how to do that has been so elusive.
From my last post many of you made suggestions of what I should do and for most of those suggestions, I thought, I’ve tried that. Over the years I’ve tried so many things, workshops, selling images, teaching, magazines, group outings, shooting weddings, doing portraits, etc. etc.. Nothing has taken off and nothing has worked.
Sure some of it has had some success, but not enough to really help. I am still earning the same amount of money, maybe less, than I was almost 10 years ago.
So what now
That is the question, isn’t it? What else can I try? I have had a couple of things happen that look good, but I will have to work on them and see if they will be good. I do have to ask myself if I have the energy to continue. How many times can a person face failure and not have it destroy them?
Taking a break
It has been suggested that I am burned out. I’ve been doing stuff online every day, all day. I give away a lot of information, find information and then help so many people, that it is time to think of myself. I don’t even work on my own images much anymore, no time.
I need some time to think about what I want. What do I go next?
That could be a job, giving up the blog or toning it right down. At this stage, I don’t know. I’m not sure what I am going to do, but I do need some time where I don’t have to think about what blog post am I going to write about. What subject should I write about to teach people.
So I am not going to be posting for at least the rest of the month. Then I make some decisions about the future here.
Making a donation
Someone else suggested putting a donate button on here, so if you wanted to make a donation you could.
It isn’t compulsory and you don’t have to do it. I understand how these things work. However, if you have ever learned something from me, or find this blog useful then please consider doing it.